Buttery Celery Stuffing

We are just a few days away from Thanksgiving here in the U.S., and I am gearing up to host the big family feast for the first time.  In my family, there will be revolts if mom's stuffing is not served.  Just the smell of the ingredients cooking makes me think of turkey.  Give it a try, and I guarantee you will love it.

For a printer-friendly copy of this recipe, click here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CdSs-ReG-jvAITah6hThWND24XFIen4svQkUYyN5cOc/edit

Ingredients (Turkey-Sized Batch):

14 cups day-old breadcrumbs
1 1/2 cups finely diced celery
1 1/3 cups boiling water
1/2 cup minced onion
2/3 cup butter
2 eggs
1 tsp poultry seasoning
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper

Start by tearing up all those breadcrumbs.  I know, it is a pain, but it is totally worth it.  Don't use the good "Sara Lee" or "Pepperidge Farm" bread for this.  Buy the cheapest, oldest, crappiest bread in the grocery store, where it is probably lying, rejected, on the bottom shelf.  Give it a home.  Cheap bread needs love, too.  You can either tear these up by hand or use a pizza cutter, but it will still take some time.  If you have a relative who wants to help with dinner, by all means hand this off to them.  If you are looking for a bowl big enough to hold this, try using a plastic pie or cake carrier turned upside-down or a big plastic punch bowl.

Once you have the breadcrumbs torn up, start on the celery.  This job is even more obnoxious than the breadcrumbs, so you definitely want to delegate this one.  If you want to just get it out of the way early, you can always dice it and then freeze it down (pre-cooked) weeks in advance.

As for the onion, just buy it pre-diced in the frozen vegetable section of the grocery store.  Believe me, by this time you will be ready to take the easy way out here.

Hang in there!  Most of the work is done, and it really does taste amazing, so don't give up now!

Now that everything is chopped and diced, you want to soften the celery and the butter.  Cook the onion in the butter for just a few minutes, and definitely take it off before it turns brown.  The celery is a tougher nut to crack, so boil it for 15-20 minutes or until it is softer.  When you drain the celery, be sure to catch and keep 1-1/3 cups of the boiling water.  You can pitch the rest.

Okay, now just assemble everything.  Dump everything together into the bowl with the breadcrumbs: the butter/onion mixture, the celery, the celery juice, the eggs, and the spices.  You might want to let it cool down a bit before you get in there with your hands to mix it all up if your onions or celery just came off of the stove.  I assume that you have common sense and wouldn't stick your hands in when it is obviously steaming, but who knows?

Now it is ready to bake.  You have 2 options here:  do the old turkey proctologist route and cram it up inside her, or put it into a greased 13x9" pan covered with aluminum foil.  I made this for a potluck at church, so I used the pan, but will definitely be introducing Mr. Stuffing to Mrs. Turkey on Thanksgiving day.  Either way, you want to bake it at 325 degrees until it reaches 165 degrees, which takes about an hour in the pan, or who knows how long in the turkey (usually about an hour past the point when the guests get surly at our house).

Done!  Trust me, it will smell so rich and buttery and taste even better.  You will never again buy Stove Top and will become a huge snob against any dressing made from cornbread.  It was pretty popular at the potluck.  I was a little slow in getting a picture before they got into it, so here is a picture of what was left in the end:

Have a happy Thanksgiving!  Remember to thank God for the many blessings in your life.